Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Behind Every Great Blog...

Dear sisters!

I hope you're all doing well <3

You know I'm busy with studying - one week and two days until my last exam! Yay. I'm already trying to plan my two first weeks of holidays - although I have to work a bit too... My husband will be abroad visiting friends and I will be all by myself, so I need to do something I like! :-) Like going to the sea, visit a city/town I don't know yet, go to the forest, visit family, see friends, watch a movie at the cinema, go to a fav. café and have tea and cheesecake. Hehe. I haven't been alone for such a long time (10 days it'll be) since I married my husband four years ago, Alhamdulillah. It's a bit exciting. Lol.

By the way this picture and text below really made me laugh!



And the husbands wonder why the dinner isn't being served... - We're all busy blogging! :-D

And speaking of great blogs: I'm going to post a list of a few blogs I recently discovered, which I would definitely encourage you to visit - and hopefully follow too :-) Enjoy:

 

Monday, June 6, 2011

A Baby... Please?


How good it is to have a place like this, where you can ask so many sisters for advice! Masha'Allah. I hope you're all doing well.

The situation:
My husband has a daughter (9) from a previous relationship. I wasn't clever enough to talk about our future together and if he would like to have any more kids, when I got married to my husband at the age of 22. At that time I had no need to have children of my own and I even though it would be enough for me with just his daughter. When I turned 25 things changed and I suddenly felt a deep desire to have my own children some day (not in too many years) and now at the age of 26 the desire is still there and I almost can't imagine how my life would be, when I get older, and I hadn't gotten any children of my own!...

In the beginning of our marriage my husband always said, that you can't, as a man, marry a young woman and say you don't want to have any kids (if she hasn't gotten any already). I agreed with that... And still do! But lately he's said things like "do we really need to have children?!" (he thinks it's sooo much work!)... And it makes me quite uncomfortable, 'cause I really don't want to be the kind of woman who forces her man to have kids with her :-/ and I also know that my husband has a hard time with women who want to have kids no matter if the husband likes it or not!! 

Do you have any advice for me and has somebody perhaps been in the same situation?

I really find it hard to pick up the subject with my husband 'cause I am afraid of what it will lead to... Afraid that he will ask me to choose between him - or to leave and have kids with somebody else some day...
Of course I make duaa too!... And I also know I should just trust Allah (swt) and not worry too much...
I really would love to experience being pregnant and experience the unique love (as they say) that you experience with your own baby/kids... I would feel as if I would not be completed as a woman, if I didn't have kids and I feel like I'm already in love with that little baby who isn't even a reality yet......

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Jealousy


Have you ever been jealous? Have you ever been afraid of your husband finding somebody else more attractive than you or more intelligent or more pious than you and afraid that it would start something in his mind? And you could eventually loose him?...
Most of us know that jealousy is a very strong feeling! People have even killed in the name of jealousy! And of course we as Muslims also know that Shaitaan is part of this destructive game.
Sadly I am one of these women, who can easily become very very jealous and insecure.
I know that this feeling started already when I was a child and my dad would sometimes talk more to some other woman than to me. I got so jealous and so afraid of losing him! And if you know just a little about psychology, it's not uncommon that such childhood-patterns continue in your life as an adult. I believe that we also through our thoughts attract more of the same experiences - that we get what we expect or that we see the world through our own filter and interpret our environment, the way that we think it really is. That's one of the reasons why I think I have experienced this feeling over and over again in relationships with boys (before I reverted to Islam) and also now in my marriage. Sadly I have not just once experienced the one I had given my heart to, being unfaithful to me and I do realize that most people would become jealous and of course angry too in such situations. I guess these experiences have made my jealousy much worse in the way that I often actually don't have a reason for my jealousy. It's just a feeling that I have become so used to having - and if I hear that my husband talked to some woman and if he tells me something about her, which I think sounds just a bit toooooo "great", the green-eyed monster pops up.
I've never been proud of it and even less as a Muslim, because I think jealousy is such a "wrong" feeling and so much an opposite to all the wonderful feelings I can have. But I guess this is just part of being human - there are feelings we need to learn to tame and we need to grow more as human beings, insha'Allah.



I could so much be the blonde girl in this picture... :-/ "Jealousy is a terrible disease. Get well soon". This quote I read somewhere on the Internet and it made me smile, but also reminded me, of how destructive jealousy is. I also read that "Jealousy is a form of anger brought on by a fear of loss", which is also very clear to me.
So... I guess I know all the reasons for my jealousy, fear, anger and insecurity! I just haven't found the magic key to dissolving this issue and living a life, where I don't mistrust the ones I really love. If you have any experience with jealousy and overcomming it, you are so welcome to share it here with me. I would love to hear Muslim women's approach to this and how some of you might have learned to move on and become happier people. I've heard the phrases "just trust in Allah (swt)" and "it's just Shaitaan, who's whispering into your ears" and sadly these phrases haven't helped me this far. I know I have to trust more in Allah (swt), but somehow I haven't been able to do this enough to rule out the jealousy...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Housekeeping


When doing the laundry earlier today, I thought how big a difference it makes for me that the clothes I wash smell good afterwards. I've noticed that it really affects the feeling it gives me to do the landry. If the result is clothes that look clean, but don't smell that much better than before, because of a too neutral washing powder, I don't enjoy doing the landry very much! It might sound weird, but that's the way it is for me and I've been given it a lot of thought, 'cause I also don't want to buy very perfumed washing powder that is very bad for the environment. At the time I use Ecover, but they added "lemon"-smell and I actually don't think that smell fits landry, but rather dishes when dishwashing.
I checked the Internet for environment friendly washing powder (liquid that is) and found one that I'm going to buy later: Coop Änglamark. Which one do you use? :)

All this laundry-thinking made me think about how I could make cooking, buying groceries, cleaning the house etc. more fun. Too often I feel like it's a burden and I would like to make it more pleasant. As some of you might know, I am not really a housewife 'cause I'm studying Audiologopaedics, but as a student I have a lot of time at home compared to my husband, who works out almost every day and earns the money.

Are there any sisters out there, who have found a key to making housekeeping more enjoyable? Perhaps I just need to adjust something inside my head :) Like thinking more about the wonderful results that I get by cleaning the house for example. Because I do feel really good, when everything is clean and is in its right place.

While searching for pictures to match this post, I have to admit that I am shocked on a daily basis, by how you can not type in any search word in Google, go to the pictures and not always bump into a loooot of unwanted pictures -- here I am referring to half-naked women mostly. Men invented fantasies with women under every possible subject :-/ Oh well that's a different story. But OMG. Will I ever learn to ignore that or is there also a magic key to avoiding these pictures? :-/ Hehe.

Anyway. I have some tips I would like to share and perhaps you want to share some tips too?!:

- As you might know, I love when things smell good and are also quite environment friendly. So when I clean the house, I use hot water with some rose water. It smells very delicate and makes it more fun to undust. I was inspired to use this mixture for cleaning, because I read that they clean the Holy Ka'aba with a mixture of Zamzam water and rose water, masha'Allah.

- It's good to give stuff away for charity or to simply throw out stuff that nobody needs or can use. Every now and then I decide to throw out/give away at least 10 things, mostly clothes. And it gives you a great feeling and a good overview of your stuff. And there's always something you don't need anymore, but are just clinging to because you're used to having it...

- The people living below us always cook food that smells the same (weird - sorry!) way and somehow that smell travels particularly into our bathroom. So to change the smell, I just add a few drops of lavendar essential oil for example on the floor near the drain. That way it will smell good the rest of the day and first go away the next morning, when you take a shower.

- When I cook, I clean the kitchen at the same time. If I for example used a dish, I wash it while the food is cooking and while the family is laying the table, I might also wash a thing or too. That reduces the amount of dishes (etc.) to clean afterwards.

- For cooking I made a list of about 15 dishes (that my family likes too) that I can make whenever I want, which stops me from thinking and thinking about what on earth I shall cook today. Once a week I try out a new recipe and by now it's working quite well.

- If you have been serving eggs for breakfast and can't get rid of the egg-smell on the plates, a good thing is to first wash everything else (so everything doesn't smell of egg...) and add drops of fresh lemon onto the plates and cutlery that has been in contact with the egg (same goes for chicken!), leave it there for a while and then wash it with soap, perhaps using a different sponge.
 
That's all for now, I've got to clean the house now and I feel more like it after writing this post. Hehe. Before I leave: Isn't the picture below just cute and doesn't it make you want to do a lot of housekeeping, when everything is smiling at you that way? Hehe.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Alone


I see now that I'm really bad at accepting to be on my own, when I didn't choose it myself...! Right now I actually feel like the chair above, which is leaning towards the other one to just feel a little bit of nearness... My husband has one of these evenings, where he feels like being on his own in the other room. I know I'd never do that when I knew that we were not going to be together tomorrow evening and Saturday day and night because he's off to visit a friend of his. But men seem to be a bit different than women when it comes to the need to spend time alone... They don't really seem to put all the upcoming hours together, where they won't be able to be with their wife and as a result of all these hours, choose to jump right into the arms of their loved one... Hehe. (At least not after years of marriage - or at least not my husband (I love him anyway though!!) :-P).
But well, I always think that everything happens for a reason. And the first thing that popped up in my mind (after feeling a bit disappointed and lonely...) (and I think you should always pay attention to your spontaneous reactions) was that I should offer prairs to Allah (swt), who's by the way ALWAYS there (not to forget and not to underestimate!!!) and I should read Qur'an and then go to sleep :) And of course first post something here - 'cause blogging reduces my feeling of loneliness too - especially when somebody comments. Hehe. Insha'Allah.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The P-word


I'm curious to know how you sisters would handle husbands and their eventual use of pornography!?
Would you get all emotional about it? Or wouldn't it matter to you - 'cause in the end Allah (swt) knows best and everybody will have their suitable punishment?? Would you discuss it in your marriage?
I know some non-muslim's perspectives on this subject, but I'm interested in knowing some sisters' perspectives too, where Islam, of course, has an influence.

There are sooo many men (and women) watching pornography now-a-days. Muslims too of course. And I believe many wives are struggling to accept their (muslim) husbands watching pornography... I find it sad to perform your night prayer, which should be so full of light, insha'Allah, and then go to bed and enter a world so full of darkness - which is how I see pornography.
On xyonline.net Gail Dines quotes it very well: "“In pornography nobody makes love. They all make hate.” The man makes hate to the woman’s body. It’s about the destruction of intimacy". You might want to read the article here:
G. Dines: How “Pornland” destroys intimacy and hijacks sexuality.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Golden Evening


Alhamdulillah, my husband and I are talking about things in a good way now and are getting close again and trying to find our way in our marriage and in life in general.

By the way this is such a beautiful evening here in Denmark, where I live. I hope you sisters around the world are also having a beautiful evening or day depending on where you are of course :) Everything is bathed in a golden light from the setting sun. Masha'Allah!!

This Sunday I attended my first Qur'an lesson. Alhamdulillah I liked it very much and am looking forward to next Sunday. We're being taught one by one, because we're all on so different levels. I'm a beginner! :) And insha'Allah I'll know the alphabet by heart before next Sunday - which is my homework.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Morning Thoughts

Just had yoghurt, the last ginger cookies from this Eid and African rooibush tea for breakfast. I want to try making Sweet Fried Bread, which was what a dear Somali sister gave me a few times this Ramadan. Yummi! It tastes so good!



These days are still diffucult for me because of marital difficulties... But I try to survive it by doing things I like to do and not spending too much time alone thinking and worrying. That usually doesn't help. What our marriage needs is to be defined a-new - and I don't think that is so easy at all. Mm, Allah (swt) will help me insha'Allah. Perhaps some of you out there also experienced something like this? If so: What helped you the most? How did you become closer again and regain the attraction and respect (among other things) towards each other?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Tough Times


I'm going through quite tough times in my marriage...and this is the time, where I need all my trust in Allah (swt)!! And it is difficult..difficult to be a human being and believe that things are going to work out just fine, insha'Allah.
Without going into details, my husband is struggling with some serious things that also affect me and our relationship... I think I need to learn to live my own life more fully and not focus so much on him and us... and pray to Allah (swt) that everything will be all right and my husband will be healed some day. And me too...
If any of you sisters out there have also gone through tough, uncertain and challenging times in your relationships, please share with me, if there was something that helped you keep your head up high and thinking positively.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tying the Knot


Yesterday I visited a friend of mine, who I hadn't seen or really been in contact with for about a year. Before I used to get a bit annoyed by her, but things seem to have changed now and it was really great to see her again, masha'Allah. In the few hours I saw her I got a whole new picture of the person she also is, Alhamdulillah.
And a few minutes ago she told me that her husband-to-be put a ring on her finger this night, masha'Allah!! He seems like a really kind and warmhearted person. So it's great big news - and my first friend to become engaged :)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Ramadan Day 13


I feel dizzy and funny today. I've slept two hours, been awake two hours, sleps two hours, been woken up for half an hour and slept three hours :-/ I feel like sleeping again... but there are things I need to have done like buying groceries at the store for tonight and the other days in this week.

The recipe for naan bread that I tried yesterday was great. Only I had to use a lot more flour than it said in the recipe. But my husband and I really enjoyed the bread :-) and also the aloo jeera. Now I need to find something else to cook for tonight. Sometimes I can't think of something to cook... I hope I'll know before too long ;-) insha'Allah!

Yesterday was a very special day where my husband and I had long serious talks about inner work and awareness, both achieving new insights in ourselves. I can't say it enough times: this holy month is amazing, masha'Allah.