A Baby... Please?

How good it is to have a place like this, where you can ask so many sisters for advice! Masha'Allah. I hope you're all doing well.

The situation:

My husband has a daughter (9) from a previous relationship. I wasn't clever enough to talk about our future together and if he would like to have any more kids, when I got married to my husband at the age of 22. At that time I had no need to have children of my own and I even though it would be enough for me with just his daughter. When I turned 25 things changed and I suddenly felt a deep desire to have my own children some day (not in too many years) and now at the age of 26 the desire is still there and I almost can't imagine how my life would be, when I get older, and I hadn't gotten any children of my own!...

In the beginning of our marriage my husband always said, that you can't, as a man, marry a young woman and say you don't want to have any kids (if she hasn't gotten any already). I agreed with that... And still do! But lately he's said things like "do we really need to have children?!" (he thinks it's sooo much work!)... And it makes me quite uncomfortable, 'cause I really don't want to be the kind of woman who forces her man to have kids with her :-/ and I also know that my husband has a hard time with women who want to have kids no matter if the husband likes it or not!! 

Do you have any advice for me and has somebody perhaps been in the same situation?

I really find it hard to pick up the subject with my husband 'cause I am afraid of what it will lead to... Afraid that he will ask me to choose between him - or to leave and have kids with somebody else some day...

Of course I make duaa too!... And I also know I should just trust Allah (swt) and not worry too much...
I really would love to experience being pregnant and experience the unique love (as they say) that you experience with your own baby/kids... I would feel as if I would not be completed as a woman, if I didn't have kids and I feel like I'm already in love with that little baby who isn't even a reality yet......

Gratitude, Salah & Calmness of Heart

My dearest sisters!

I have not forgotten you! :-) I think about you every day! And I hope you're feeling well - all of you.

I haven't been posting much, because I've been enjoying the beautiful Spring weather, Alhamdulillah! We've had sunshine for almost two weeks in a row - and that's awesome in a place like Denmark :-) Also my exams are getting closer - I've got one month to write two papers and to study for an oral exam in Audiology... Please make duaa that I'll pass everything... :-)

I've had quite a few experiences recently, where it has been very obvious that Allah (swt) has answered my prayers.

'...and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know.'

(Surah Baqarah: 216)

- So sometimes we might wonder, why are duaa's "aren't answered"... Allah (swt) answers our duaa's in this life or in the Hereafter and He knows what is best for us. But these days I experienced that my prayers were answered and Allah (swt) really showed me that we human beings can never foretell the future. He does make possible the impossible, as I wrote in my previous post.

After 4 difficult years with my family and their relationship to my husband (and vice versa) it has suddenly become easier and my family seems more accepting of him than ever before. In 4 years we've only visited them about 4 times... Next weekend will be the 5th time.

It was a load off my mind and now I just pray that it will become even more relaxed and easier with time, insha'Allah!

'O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you.'

[Hadith Qudsi]

I have a question for you sisters - or brothers too. I don't know if this is just something a revert might experience,  but I've found it very hard to simply "let go" in my prayer and "disappear" (so to say) or perform salah as a form of meditation - which I consider it to be. I might be too focussed on my Arabic pronounciation or saying the right things at the right time... My goal is to be able to really disconnect from the world these 5 times a day and only have Allah (swt) in mind and insha'Allah feel much more calmness of heart afterwards - more regularly. (I know salah in not only about that, but it's an aspect of it, which I personally feel is not always present for me).

If any of you experience the above:

How did you get there - did time just do it or something else perhaps? :-) Most Muslims I know say that it came with time... But perhaps some of you have another perspective on this. I also think that if every Muslim felt a huge difference inside after Salah, there wouldn't be as many people "missing" their prayers... - Just a thought I had, which I don't know is true or not. Allahu Alim.

Please do share your experiences with Salah - if you're a born Muslim or a revert :-)

And have a beautiful day - I'm off to pray Asr in a few minutes, insha'Allah :-)

He Made Possible the Impossible

Subhan'Allah, He did it again. He answered my prayers and made possible the impossible. Alhamdulillah.

I wrote in my last post that my husband and I were going to attend a "non-firmation" this Saturday. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and I tell you; those 4 years have not been easy, when it comes to my family accepting my husband :-/ (because of various reasons -like Islam...). It's been a battle! And I was fearing that the party yesterday would be like the other ones, where my husband doesn't feel included at all and my closest family doesn't really talk to him.

But Alhamdulillah, He answered my duaas and my husband told me today that yesterday was the first time that he felt that my family (at least some of it) was his family too! Alhamdulillah. My mother invited us to their place next Sunday and I pray that it will be a positive experience for us, 'cause until now, there hasn't been many and I get all anxious, when we have to see my parents or other family. Please make duaa for us -- that the warmth in my family will increase and my husband will feel accepted and welcome. Insha'Allah. And "Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity" (2:286).

This morning I read some of Surah Al-Imran and was especially moved by the following, which I feel is so true and powerful indeed:

قُلِ اللَّهُمَّ مَالِكَ الْمُلْكِ تُؤْتِي الْمُلْكَ مَن تَشَاء وَتَنزِعُ الْمُلْكَ مِمَّن تَشَاء وَتُعِزُّ مَن تَشَاء وَتُذِلُّ مَن تَشَاء بِيَدِكَ الْخَيْرُ إِنَّكَ عَلَىَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ ﴿

Say, `O Allâh! the Lord of all power, You grant power to whomsoever You will and take away power from whomsoever You please, and confer honour and dignity on whomsoever You will and disgrace whomsoever You will. All good lies in Your hand. Verily, You are the Possessor of full power to do all You will, (3 : 26)


تُولِجُ اللَّيْلَ فِي الْنَّهَارِ وَتُولِجُ النَّهَارَ فِي اللَّيْلِ وَتُخْرِجُ الْحَيَّ مِنَ الْمَيِّتِ وَتُخْرِجُ الَمَيَّتَ مِنَ الْحَيِّ وَتَرْزُقُ مَن تَشَاء بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ ﴿٢٧

You cause the night to merge into the day and cause the day to merge into the night, and bring forth the living from the dead and bring forth the dead from the living, and provide (all sorts of provisions) to whomsoever You will without measure.' (3: 27 )

Yesterday was a reminder for me of the power of duaa and how Allah (swt) is always there and that we never know, what will come! The impossible can become possible by His Will.

Following Intuition & Wishing a Great Weekend

I had a lovely day today and I hope you sisters did too!

Alhamdulillah I've become a bit better (at least this week) at following my intuition :-) Like earlier today, when I was going out to buy some food, I thought the man in the restaurant wasn't that friendly and I didn't have the best feeling about it. So I went outside and without thinking, my legs guided me to a hidden Islamic store, close to the masjid. I'd just been there once before, some time ago. I went inside, not sure about what I was doing there. Two brothers were working there, with two little children playing around. The brothers greeted me very friendly (don't you also just love the Islamic greeting (Assalaam 'Alaikum)? It's so beautiful, Alhamdulillah) :-) I asked for a Qur'an in Arabic, so I can improve my Arabic reading skills and this beautiful one below immediately spoke to me:

The brother said "Masha'Allah" when I told him that I needed to buy this Qur'an :-) What a great thing to follow your intuition :-) I also cherish the pure and respectful interaction there can be between Muslim brothers and sisters. If the brother and the sister has a good heart/good intentions, there'll be no flirting or anything like that, like you see in so many other interactions between the two sexes, astaghfirullah.

Alhamdulillah for a lovely day. And now I'm at home, after having cleaned the whole house and eaten Pakistani food with my husband and stepdaugher, sitting on the bed with the laptop and a cup of Chinese tea next to me.


I wish you all a wonderful weekend! We'll be going to a big "non-firmation" of my nephew tomorrow. Insha'Allah it'll be a good experience - it sadly isn't always a good experience being with my whole family... Oh well.
Take care all of you.

My Friday & Days of Prayer

Dear sisters!

I hope you've had a lovely Friday! My day started out with an acupuncture treatment by such a great Chinese (female) doctor. Masha'Allah she was so talented - and my body is so sore now :-/ Hehe. I've been treated with acupuncture before in my life, but never did it regularly, but this time I will - and drink lots of green tea too :-) I do my best to keep my body, heart and spirit in good balance, insha'Allah.

My parents-in-law visited us for some hours today - and before that, I was really busy cleaning the house and cooking! :-/ :-) The food turned out well, although the food my mother-in-law brought with her was so fabulous! Insha'Allah I'll cook as great as her, when I get older.

So the weekend has come and I wish you all a nice time! I really like the hadith below:

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "For the Jews (the day designated by God for communal prayer) was Saturday, and for the Christians it was Sunday. And God turned toward us (Muslims) and guided us to Friday (as the day of communal prayer). In fact, (God) made Friday, Saturday and Sunday (as days of prayer)."

Sahih Muslim, Hadith 417

I'll try to spend more time in prayer this weekend and insha'Allah recite the following duaa. I think it's very beautiful:

Hazrat Imam Muhammad Baqir (a.s) says, “Whoever recites the following Dua’a thrice after finishing the prayer and without having moved. Allah will pardon all his sins even if these be as many as the foams of the sea.

ASTAGH-FIROOLLAHAL-LAZI LAA ILLA HOVAL-HAYYOOL-QAYYOOM ZOOL-JALALE VAL-IKRAME WA ATOOBA ILAIHE

I seek forgiveness of Allah who, there is no deity other than him, the Ever-Living the Self-Subsistent, the Glorious and the Gracious. I turn unto Him (repentant).

The Prophet said: "If your hearts were always in the state that they are in during dhikr, the angels would come to see you to the point that they would greet you in the middle of the road."

Muslim narrated it. Imam Nawawi in his Sharh sahih muslim commented on this hadith saying: "This kind of sight is shown to someone who persists in meditation (muraqaba), reflection (fikr), and anticipation (iqbal) of the next world."

And Allah (swt) said: "So establish prayer for My remembrance." (20:14).




I hope this inspired you aswell and that you'll have a great weekend full of dhikr, insha'Allah :)


Take care all of you.

Cooking & Recipes

I really like to cook and I have learned to use cooking as some kind of therapy :-) - which makes me enjoy it even more. - Of course I also know days, where I don't feel like cooking anything... But mostly I try to be as mindful as possible, when I do prepare breakfast, lunch or dinner. Especially for dinner, when I cut vegetables, I notice how they feel in my hands, when I wash them. How they all sound differently, when I cut them and how wonderful they smell - uncooked or cooked etc. This changes the whole cooking experience and makes me feel very grateful especially for the fact that I can buy almost all kinds of foods and have something to eat every day, Alhamdulillah.

I made a list of dishes, which I cook during the week, to avoid having to think of a new dish every day. Sometimes I like to prepare new dishes though. Often I look for them on the Internet or I borrow cookbooks from the library.

I love the many food blogs around the net, so thank you for taking your time to share those wonderful recipes.

I would love to know some more websites (or blogs) with great recipes, so if you sisters would like to share your favorite ones with me, I'd be very delighted!

My favorite ones are:

foodgawker, foodbuzz and HealthyMuslim

Tomorrow my parents-in-law are visiting and I'm still thinking about what to cook for them for dinner (something vegetarian I think)... :-/ and also I wanted to bake a cake. I thought about baking carrot cake with delicious butter-frosting. If you have any wonderful carrot cake recipes or any other recipes you'd like to share (dinner and/or dessert) they're very welcome!! :-)

Spring Air & Cupcakes

It's a beautiful day today, masha'Allah, and it smells of spring although it's still freezing cold outside. But there is a change in the air :-) I love it!

I hope all my sisters out there are doing well, insha'Allah. I am sooo thankful for knowing you :-) If I'm having a bad day it always cheers me up to visit your blogs.

In about 1 hour I'm attending my aunt's birthday. She's turning 72. Since January I've been cooking and baking like a crazy person and I must say I've become better at it now, Alhamdulillah. When I made these cupcakes for my husband the other day:

he asked me if I wanted to marry him again. Hehehe. I love my husband :-)

For my aunt I made these cupcakes as a gift for her:

I hope I can manage to keep them in the same position when going on my bike soon :-/ and I hope she'll enjoy them. If you like baking I suggest you to buy or borrow this wonderful book: 500 Muffins and Cupcakes. My stepdaughter and I made a deal to make all 500 of them :-D By the way thank you all for your support about my stepdaughter/stepfamily etc. Things have become so much easier - for now at least :-)

That's all for now, got to have some food before leaving. Take care all of you <3

The Brain & Our Step Family

I just got home from lessons at the socalled Center for Brain Injuri. Especially after lessons at this place I thank Allah (swt) deeply for having a healthy brain and body, Alhamdulillah. With a healthy and well-functioning brain comes, of course, the ability to think and ponder about things and worry etc. which is not always something I enjoy... But of course it's quite essential in this life as a human being and in the interaction with other people, who have the same abilities. Lots of things are going through my mind at the time...

One thing is my dad and cancer. Alhamdulillah it had not spread in my dad's body, so he is getting a curing treatment now, insha'Allah, although it also has a lot of side effects. But that treatment was what he wished for the most and I thank you all for your prayers and support!

Another thing that is nagging me is that my step daughter (9) is coming today (staying till Monday). Well it's not that she is coming, but it's the fact that suddenly after three quite good years, our relationship has started to become difficult. I mean, it's always been a challenge for all of us to make this step family function "perfectly", because it's simply not easy for the child, nor the father or the stepmother. Actually the father is the only one who has chosen both the daughter (by having her in the first place) and his wife (me) and his daughter and I just have to get along. Whew there are many many diffucult feelings to handle in a stepmom-/dad and step child relationship (not to mention in regard of the ex-wife too!) and you surely don't become a happy little step family on one day - if you ever become that anyway!
It needs work, just like any other thing in life. And for the stepmom it needs understanding of the child and how he/she is (for many years!) hurting from the divorce of his/her parents and how the step parent becomes the symbol of that divorce and an obstacle in the way of the parents getting together again (although this is just what the child feels and not reality).
I just ask from Allah (swt) to help us all make this a peaceful and loving home, where we all learn to live respectfully together.

To help my step family I have read quite a few books on the topic and recently read The Smart Step Mom, which was the first book to help us (my husband and I) to see the best way of "cooking our step family", as they call it in the book. It helped us view our situation in a completely new way and today will be the first day of these new views to become true!! That's why I am excited and nervous too... And I so hope everything will become better soon (actually mostly the feelings of my step daughter towards me), insha'Allah.
Before getting married to a man with a child I had no idea what I was going into!! And Subhan'Allah this has helped me (and forced me) to grow in so many ways.


So wish me luck for today and the upcoming days... My husband is also going to have a talk with his daughter about step families etc. which I am sure will help too to soothe her feelings, insha'Allah. Poor girl doesn't understand where all the hatred comes from... So all we can do is to talk to her, recognize her feelings and help her when she is hurting.
- Just to get this clear, her parents separated years before my husband and I got to know each other, but still my step daughter can feel that I am the reason for them not coming together again...
All these thoughts, feelings etc. emerge from these well-functioning brains... Hehe. And being a human being we face many many difficulties in our lives that we must try to grow from, overcome, survive etc. and remember to ask Allah (swt) for help from :)

If there are any stepmothers out there, feel free to share your experiences as a stepmom and how you all learned to thrive and not just survive :) (hopefully). Step children are also very welcome to share thoughts and views on this topic :)


In a few moments I'll start cooking this lovely dish from Ya Salam Cooking :) and around 6PM I'll go by bike through the icy wind(!) to the place where I play the violin in the Symphony Orchestra. It always cheers me up to play there.


Take care all of you :)

A Lovely Day

Assalaam Alaikum dear sisters!

I feel so content right now, Alhamdulillah! This weekend and this day has just been perfect. Today I got to do everything that I felt like doing and needed to do, such as cleaning the house, buying groceries, offering salat, listening to Qur'an, spending time with my husband and his daughter - and my rabbit :) And last but not least my cooking has been perfect to day, Alhamdulillah. I've prepared a Waldorf-salat (the recipe I linked to was not the one I used, I just wanted to post an English recipe (and not a Danish one). I don't add pepper, mayo, lemon juice and lettuce so you could leave that out too :). I prepared spaghetti bolognese (which is still cooking) and baked an Italian foccacia. My family is already excitedly waiting for the dinner and my husband already tasted the Waldorf-salat and fell in love with me all over again. Hehe. Of course these are not my homemade recipes, but still I'm glad the cooking has been a success today and I love serving good food for my family.

I hope you're all having a good day too, and if not, offer perhaps some more prayers and see how you feel afterwards :) Or try to think about 1 thing that you could do right now, that would make you feel just a little bit better, insha'Allah.

Thank You Sisters for Your Support

Dear sisters!

I thank you all so much for your supporting words and your duaas.

The surgery went well today and my dad is doing well, Alhamdulillah! Now we're just awaiting the results to see which treatment he can get for the cancer. Insha'Allah he can get the best one that can cure him.

Take care all of you. Lots of love from me to you.

Asking You a Favour

Dear sisters. I think I need to ask you a favour. I've been making lots of duaa myself and will make more, because my dad has gotten diagnosed with cancer and is going to get operated tomorrow. It isn't an operation, which is going to cure him, but an operation to see, if the cancer has spread throughout his body... Insha'Allah it hasn't! And he will be able to get a curing treatment. Insha'Allah!

So I ask you to please make duaa for my dad and also my family to keep up the good mood and the hope.

Cancer is a scary disease (also when you're not afraid of death...) and so many people are getting it :-/ But I do believe that we can heal, also from cancer, if we have trust in Allah (swt) and are devoted to Him and ask Him for help.
Actally I am not terribly sad (yet), which I think is because I didn't give up hope yet and neither did my dad, but I do think he could need some duaa, because undergoing surgery isn't easy and being sick isn't easy either... I know Allah (swt) knows best, what is going to happen to us and in the end, it is up to Him, what the destiny of my dad is, when it comes to staying in this world longer or leaving it. Us who love him of course hope that he will stay for many many more years. Insha'Allah.