The Brain & Our Step Family

I just got home from lessons at the socalled Center for Brain Injuri. Especially after lessons at this place I thank Allah (swt) deeply for having a healthy brain and body, Alhamdulillah. With a healthy and well-functioning brain comes, of course, the ability to think and ponder about things and worry etc. which is not always something I enjoy... But of course it's quite essential in this life as a human being and in the interaction with other people, who have the same abilities. Lots of things are going through my mind at the time...

One thing is my dad and cancer. Alhamdulillah it had not spread in my dad's body, so he is getting a curing treatment now, insha'Allah, although it also has a lot of side effects. But that treatment was what he wished for the most and I thank you all for your prayers and support!

Another thing that is nagging me is that my step daughter (9) is coming today (staying till Monday). Well it's not that she is coming, but it's the fact that suddenly after three quite good years, our relationship has started to become difficult. I mean, it's always been a challenge for all of us to make this step family function "perfectly", because it's simply not easy for the child, nor the father or the stepmother. Actually the father is the only one who has chosen both the daughter (by having her in the first place) and his wife (me) and his daughter and I just have to get along. Whew there are many many diffucult feelings to handle in a stepmom-/dad and step child relationship (not to mention in regard of the ex-wife too!) and you surely don't become a happy little step family on one day - if you ever become that anyway!
It needs work, just like any other thing in life. And for the stepmom it needs understanding of the child and how he/she is (for many years!) hurting from the divorce of his/her parents and how the step parent becomes the symbol of that divorce and an obstacle in the way of the parents getting together again (although this is just what the child feels and not reality).
I just ask from Allah (swt) to help us all make this a peaceful and loving home, where we all learn to live respectfully together.

To help my step family I have read quite a few books on the topic and recently read The Smart Step Mom, which was the first book to help us (my husband and I) to see the best way of "cooking our step family", as they call it in the book. It helped us view our situation in a completely new way and today will be the first day of these new views to become true!! That's why I am excited and nervous too... And I so hope everything will become better soon (actually mostly the feelings of my step daughter towards me), insha'Allah.
Before getting married to a man with a child I had no idea what I was going into!! And Subhan'Allah this has helped me (and forced me) to grow in so many ways.


So wish me luck for today and the upcoming days... My husband is also going to have a talk with his daughter about step families etc. which I am sure will help too to soothe her feelings, insha'Allah. Poor girl doesn't understand where all the hatred comes from... So all we can do is to talk to her, recognize her feelings and help her when she is hurting.
- Just to get this clear, her parents separated years before my husband and I got to know each other, but still my step daughter can feel that I am the reason for them not coming together again...
All these thoughts, feelings etc. emerge from these well-functioning brains... Hehe. And being a human being we face many many difficulties in our lives that we must try to grow from, overcome, survive etc. and remember to ask Allah (swt) for help from :)

If there are any stepmothers out there, feel free to share your experiences as a stepmom and how you all learned to thrive and not just survive :) (hopefully). Step children are also very welcome to share thoughts and views on this topic :)


In a few moments I'll start cooking this lovely dish from Ya Salam Cooking :) and around 6PM I'll go by bike through the icy wind(!) to the place where I play the violin in the Symphony Orchestra. It always cheers me up to play there.


Take care all of you :)