A Baby... Please?

How good it is to have a place like this, where you can ask so many sisters for advice! Masha'Allah. I hope you're all doing well.

The situation:

My husband has a daughter (9) from a previous relationship. I wasn't clever enough to talk about our future together and if he would like to have any more kids, when I got married to my husband at the age of 22. At that time I had no need to have children of my own and I even though it would be enough for me with just his daughter. When I turned 25 things changed and I suddenly felt a deep desire to have my own children some day (not in too many years) and now at the age of 26 the desire is still there and I almost can't imagine how my life would be, when I get older, and I hadn't gotten any children of my own!...

In the beginning of our marriage my husband always said, that you can't, as a man, marry a young woman and say you don't want to have any kids (if she hasn't gotten any already). I agreed with that... And still do! But lately he's said things like "do we really need to have children?!" (he thinks it's sooo much work!)... And it makes me quite uncomfortable, 'cause I really don't want to be the kind of woman who forces her man to have kids with her :-/ and I also know that my husband has a hard time with women who want to have kids no matter if the husband likes it or not!! 

Do you have any advice for me and has somebody perhaps been in the same situation?

I really find it hard to pick up the subject with my husband 'cause I am afraid of what it will lead to... Afraid that he will ask me to choose between him - or to leave and have kids with somebody else some day...

Of course I make duaa too!... And I also know I should just trust Allah (swt) and not worry too much...
I really would love to experience being pregnant and experience the unique love (as they say) that you experience with your own baby/kids... I would feel as if I would not be completed as a woman, if I didn't have kids and I feel like I'm already in love with that little baby who isn't even a reality yet......

He Made Possible the Impossible

Subhan'Allah, He did it again. He answered my prayers and made possible the impossible. Alhamdulillah.

I wrote in my last post that my husband and I were going to attend a "non-firmation" this Saturday. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and I tell you; those 4 years have not been easy, when it comes to my family accepting my husband :-/ (because of various reasons -like Islam...). It's been a battle! And I was fearing that the party yesterday would be like the other ones, where my husband doesn't feel included at all and my closest family doesn't really talk to him.

But Alhamdulillah, He answered my duaas and my husband told me today that yesterday was the first time that he felt that my family (at least some of it) was his family too! Alhamdulillah. My mother invited us to their place next Sunday and I pray that it will be a positive experience for us, 'cause until now, there hasn't been many and I get all anxious, when we have to see my parents or other family. Please make duaa for us -- that the warmth in my family will increase and my husband will feel accepted and welcome. Insha'Allah. And "Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity" (2:286).

This morning I read some of Surah Al-Imran and was especially moved by the following, which I feel is so true and powerful indeed:

قُلِ اللَّهُمَّ مَالِكَ الْمُلْكِ تُؤْتِي الْمُلْكَ مَن تَشَاء وَتَنزِعُ الْمُلْكَ مِمَّن تَشَاء وَتُعِزُّ مَن تَشَاء وَتُذِلُّ مَن تَشَاء بِيَدِكَ الْخَيْرُ إِنَّكَ عَلَىَ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ ﴿

Say, `O Allâh! the Lord of all power, You grant power to whomsoever You will and take away power from whomsoever You please, and confer honour and dignity on whomsoever You will and disgrace whomsoever You will. All good lies in Your hand. Verily, You are the Possessor of full power to do all You will, (3 : 26)


تُولِجُ اللَّيْلَ فِي الْنَّهَارِ وَتُولِجُ النَّهَارَ فِي اللَّيْلِ وَتُخْرِجُ الْحَيَّ مِنَ الْمَيِّتِ وَتُخْرِجُ الَمَيَّتَ مِنَ الْحَيِّ وَتَرْزُقُ مَن تَشَاء بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ ﴿٢٧

You cause the night to merge into the day and cause the day to merge into the night, and bring forth the living from the dead and bring forth the dead from the living, and provide (all sorts of provisions) to whomsoever You will without measure.' (3: 27 )

Yesterday was a reminder for me of the power of duaa and how Allah (swt) is always there and that we never know, what will come! The impossible can become possible by His Will.

Asking You a Favour

Dear sisters. I think I need to ask you a favour. I've been making lots of duaa myself and will make more, because my dad has gotten diagnosed with cancer and is going to get operated tomorrow. It isn't an operation, which is going to cure him, but an operation to see, if the cancer has spread throughout his body... Insha'Allah it hasn't! And he will be able to get a curing treatment. Insha'Allah!

So I ask you to please make duaa for my dad and also my family to keep up the good mood and the hope.

Cancer is a scary disease (also when you're not afraid of death...) and so many people are getting it :-/ But I do believe that we can heal, also from cancer, if we have trust in Allah (swt) and are devoted to Him and ask Him for help.
Actally I am not terribly sad (yet), which I think is because I didn't give up hope yet and neither did my dad, but I do think he could need some duaa, because undergoing surgery isn't easy and being sick isn't easy either... I know Allah (swt) knows best, what is going to happen to us and in the end, it is up to Him, what the destiny of my dad is, when it comes to staying in this world longer or leaving it. Us who love him of course hope that he will stay for many many more years. Insha'Allah.

An Amazing Dream & Flying Trains

“And they planned a plan, and We planned a plan, while they perceived not.” (Qur’an 27:50)

http://bluenred.wordpress.com/2009/07/17/la-musica-dreams/

Subhan'Allah!

I always found dreams very interesting and from the age of 12, I've read books about dream interpretation by C. Jung and other dream-litterature, to understand how I could learn to interpret my dreams. There are so many different approaches to dream interpretation and with time, I think I've found my own way with a mixture of all these different approaches... Anyway, the most important thing in understanding your dreams, is that it somehow makes sense to you! I don't believe it will help you much if you dream about horses, for example, and look up that word in a so-called "dream-dictionary" and see the few meanings of a horse! I don't believe you can put labels on the symbolic reality of your unconsciousness like that! Maybe it can give you some hints, but what works best for me is my immediate reaction and immediate emotions connected to the dream I just had! What are the first things I link to the dream? Experiences from my life, thoughts, emotions, people etc.

Although I think dreams are very personal, I would like to share this dream I just had, with you, 'cause for me it also makes very much sense in an Islamic way (and not just personally) :)

Bismillah.

I was on a train on my way to visit family in Germany. My mom called me and we talked until the connection suddenly fell out. I noticed, while looking out of the window, that the train had suddenly elevated from the earth and was flying like an airplane! I was very surprised and I also got angry with one of the ladies working on the train, 'cause this wasn't part of the plan! We should've been in Germany within a few hours and now we were suddenly going somewhere else!!

Finally I reached my mom on the phone again and told her what was going on. When we were about to land I met three German guys that I thought I could perhaps hang out with and also a girl showed up. I packed all my stuff in a hurry and very clumsily too! The lady from the train told me we were in Virginia and were going to be here for three days! Virginia! I'd never been so far from home and to the USA and was both excited and a bit worried something would happen to me here, so far away from my family.

The train drove like a car through the crowded streets. My mom told me that they often experience sudden and heavy rain in Virginia, and I could also already see dark clouds approaching! This was going to be an exciting trip indeed! I would try finding a hotel with the little money I got and hopefully everything would be alright and I could soon go to Germany!

By the way the train must have looked something like this. Hehe:

When I woke up, I knew this dream was referring to the fact that we always have so many plans, but because Allah (swt) plans too, we will never know where life is bringing us! The past few days I've had exactly these experiences. I planned stuff and none of it happened according to my plan. I hoped and I prayed, but obviously it was not meant for me to be the way I wished! And in these times, where we experience distress or confusion, frustration, anger, sadness because we feel, we don't get what we think we need... Allah (swt) is always there and is taking care of everything.

And I thank Allah (swt) for my dreams and for the way they inspire me.

If I didn't understand it well enough before, Allah (swt) might have given me this dream, so that I will understand, that I cannot control everything (like the train I'm on in the dream). I just have to let go of my resistance and see the positive things about my journey through life (in the dream: coming to Virginia instead of Germany) and accept where life brings me and grow personally and spiritually through that. And trust Allah (swt) always!

Another little thing: It's interesting that I arrived in Virginia! And take a look at the meaning of the word "virgin" (apart from it meaning that you haven't had sexual intercourse yet): Pure; undefiled; unmixed; fresh; new; as, virgin soil; virgin gold. (Source: http://thinkexist.com/dictionary/meaning/virgin/ ). And now imagine that you could enter a state of being pure, undefiled, fresh, new, when life challenges you or brings you to somewhere you really hadn't expected. At least I think that could help me in just allowing Allah's (swt) plans with me and putting all my trust and my time in Him! Subhan'Allah. Another symbol from the dream that could stress this exact way of approaching life, is the heavy rain coming up. I see rain as a symbol of water that washes everything and purifies it - i.e. removing dirt or other distracting things/things blurring your vision, which in this case could be my emotions, comfusing thoughts etc.

Keep in mind that this is just my immediate interpretation of the dream and definitely isn't all it was meant to tell me, but here I just shared the most important parts of it :) and of course this dream dreamed by somebody else would probably have a completely different meaning!!

Feel free to comment on dream interpretation, dreams in general or whatever you feel like :)

Bye bye and take care!! :) 

Nothing to Worry About...

Okay, did I do something wrong? Or did they just forget me? Or do they just expect me to come, because they know I am aware of the date and they love me? Or do they just expect me to come, without reminding me again, because of course they want me to be there 'cause I'm so awesome? Or... did they change their plans? Or have they just been too busy and haven't gotten to the point yet, where people are being invited? Or am I just too uncool for them...?

- Oh how we are all being challenged in this world on our trust in Allah (swt) and our patience!! :) And how we can all get completely lost in wordly worries!! :-/

Blogger friends... I'll tell you what's going on here. My friend and her boyfriend are tying the knot and throwing a party! I know it's going to take place the upcoming weekend, because my friend told me some time ago. She was really excited about it and I too, 'cause I think they make a wonderful couple, masha'Allah! I talked to her on the phone a while ago, asking how she was and if they were still throwing the engagement party that specific weekend.

Now I've been waiting for an invitation for a long time already, but I didn't receive anything yet... I wonder if it's "normal" not to have invited people yet a week before the party is going to take place?!

My husband said not to worry. Perhaps they forgot or perhaps they aren't inviting their friends (?!) and perhaps they just don't want me to join... (?!).

I always thought it was hard finding real good friends that you can trust and share everything with! I think I've perhaps been too picky, but on the other hand, I often felt very different than most of the people around me and I felt as if I lived in a different world than them - and also I always had my younger sister (23) and my older sister (31) as my closest friends!

Now where I'm 25 I finally got used to it :) And I finally realized (actually after meeting my husband) that there's nothing wrong with me! *Whew* ;) Actually people mostly tend to like me, but often they don't understand me or the things that occupy me... :) I think that many spiritually aware people (I'd like to catogorize myself as one of them...) experience the feeling of not really belonging or a feeling of being different. I do have close friends, but I met them abroad and they don't live close to me. I love them because we understand each other and have the same goals in life (spiritual development, personal growth etc.).

I think these people are rare in this world and if Allah (swt) wants you to meet them, He will make it happen. If you are not meeting them, there's a message in that for you aswell... Allah (swt) is giving me many possibilities to meet other likeminded people - and recently He opened my eyes to blogging - and first I thought "why?" - but now that I have "met" so so many likeminded sisters here, I understand why I had to go into the blogging world and what great pleasure it gives me and how we can even be there for each other here!!

Of course it would be a wonderful dream come true, if all this was taking place psysically and we could meet up after school or work or at the masjid! :)

True friendships are hard to find and are perhaps just as unique as the partner you have married or are going to meet eventually. Life has ups and downs and happy times and disappointing times. Luckily we can often laugh at the disappointing or hard times later in life. For example I invited my (back then) best friend for my wedding three years ago. It was a really small ceremony, 'cause my husband and I don't like it big but like the small and intimate. So it was just parents and one of his friends and my friend. But you know what? She never showed up... Later she told me that she'd arrived a bit too late, looked in through the window and didn't want to disturb - and just biked back home... Oh dear! My husband's friend (a very wise and spiritual man indeed!) silently told me that she perhaps wasn't that much of a friend after all...

I was disappointed then. And it was hard to continue with the friendship. My husband, always being oh so wise :), told me that it was just a clear sign from Allah (swt) to me, telling me that she is not somebody I should waste more time on. She didn't take the friendship as serious as I did and again she couldn't relate to my reversion to Islam and my marriage. So. That was the end of that story - and I learned another lesson and got even better at understanding others and reading the signs!! Alhamdulillah.

Sometimes you just need to let time pass, to know how things are going to be! And that's the only thing I'm going to do, when it comes to this upcoming engagement party of my friend and her boyfriend. Again Allah (swt) wants to tell me something and I will do my best to read His signs and stop worrying, insha'Allah! But since I don't master this yet, situations like this still leave me with a feeling of loneliness and frustration, when it comes to friendships... Insha'Allah things will change with time.

That's all for now :)

Take care my dear Blogger-friends :)

Ignorance

Today is a day where I'm SO TIRED of people's ignorance and fear of Islam and muslims!!! It's so weird when strangers walk up to you and all of a sudden ask you very personal questions - and often not in a friendly tone! I just don't understand what makes them do that?!

It's NOT the first time this has happened to me, but today I felt like sharing my experience:

A man in the supermarket today placed himself right next to me in the queue, asking me things about my hijab and muslims and Islam and saying many stupid things (PLUS talking SO loud that everybody's attention was on us...). I didn't just ignore him, I kept calm and answered a few times on the things he said. I'm a person who smiles a lot and have a hard time being unfriendly, - so I was not... And I'm not sure it would have stopped him anyway...

The first thing he said was: "Oh my, why are you wearing that (= hijab)?! You're a pure Danish girl!". I answered, with an ironic tone to turn the situation into something lighter or funnier (although it wasn't funny of course. Plus: irony is a very normal way of talking here in DK): "Yeah it's quite amazing that even Danish looking people can wear that, isn't it?!". He: "You haven't convertet or something, have you?! Oh my!!".......

Then he loudly asked me, if I thought men would get an erection(!) by seeing my hair.
I got quite sad then (without showing it though)... I really didn't like where he took the subject and he was being so stupid - but sadly I live in a country where Islam and muslims are quite hated :*( and people see it as their right to treat muslims - or people who look differently than the majority - as they want...

I know I shouldn't complain - and actually I'm not ;) I just needed to share this with understanding sisters 'cause it happened to affect me today... Muslims who are immigrants too get stupid reactions from Danish non-muslims and when they see us (pale reverts...) it's like they feel we have done something against them and against the whole "Danish-ness"! It's terrible. Insha'Allah I can move to a country some day, where muslims are the majority and I'll feel comfortable when I walk around the streets with my wonderful hijab on.

Allah (swt) truly knows best!!

Dear sisters, feel free to share your stories here - if you also feel like getting something off your chest. And if you have any tricks or some things you always tell people that make them shut up immediately (or almost immediately), then please share your wisdom ;)

We have to stand together :) and support each other. And first of all have trust in Allah (swt) and obey Him!

Morning Thoughts

Just had yoghurt, the last ginger cookies from this Eid and African rooibush tea for breakfast. I want to try making Sweet Fried Bread, which was what a dear Somali sister gave me a few times this Ramadan. Yummi! It tastes so good!

These days are still diffucult for me because of marital difficulties... But I try to survive it by doing things I like to do and not spending too much time alone thinking and worrying. That usually doesn't help. What our marriage needs is to be defined a-new - and I don't think that is so easy at all. Mm, Allah (swt) will help me insha'Allah. Perhaps some of you out there also experienced something like this? If so: What helped you the most? How did you become closer again and regain the attraction and respect (among other things) towards each other?

Tough Times

I'm going through quite tough times in my marriage...and this is the time, where I need all my trust in Allah (swt)!! And it is difficult..difficult to be a human being and believe that things are going to work out just fine, insha'Allah.
Without going into details, my husband is struggling with some serious things that also affect me and our relationship... I think I need to learn to live my own life more fully and not focus so much on him and us... and pray to Allah (swt) that everything will be all right and my husband will be healed some day. And me too...
If any of you sisters out there have also gone through tough, uncertain and challenging times in your relationships, please share with me, if there was something that helped you keep your head up high and thinking positively.

Ramadan Day 22

This morning feels good because I immediately put on a recitation of the Qur'an and afterwards learned a duaa by heart.
I found the website called Mount Hira and used their great turorials:

And then a thought, which isn't actually that special, occured to me: that if we really recon the meaning of the words that we use so much: "insha'Allah", I believe that times when we feel disappointed, angry - or any other disturbing feeling, would stop having power over us because we actually understand and live the meaning of insha'Allah. For He knows best!!

Ramadan Day 18

I visited my dear neighbour today and had a great talk with her about life and our deen. She's a very strong woman - others think this of her too, and I think it's because her faith in Allah is so strong, masha'Allah. She is a great example to me and many other sisters.
In times of pain, sadness or anger I sometimes find it hard to just trust in Allah, but I want to be able to rely even more on Him. Reading the Qur'an, offering salat and making dhikr help. Allah gave us so many remidies to help make us remember him, to purify our hearts and to become devoted and happy, insha'Allah.
This Ramadan has brought up many challenging topics - but challenge mostly brings great change with it and thereby you grow as a human being...

What do you take comfort in?

Today wasn't a good day. Neither was the night. Only Allah knows why it had to be like that. It made me think about what I take comfort in, when I'm down or feel emotionally unbalanced... Often I find it hard to stay calm, think about something else or do something to change my inner state. Praying helps for me, but if I feel really bad, I sometimes get completely stuck when it comes to any kind of activity... Today my tasbee helped a lot. And talking to my sister helped a lot too! And my wonderful sister next door cheered me up aswell. Today she had even decided to cook food for me and my familie and just brought us three big bowls of food, masha'Allah!

It is a great exercise in life to learn to view things more from an objective point of view and to understand that you are not your feelings... and insha'Allah(!) everything will be fine.

Sisters, you are welcome to share with me what you take comfort in, when you're having one of those days...